Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
