go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
