You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
