if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
false alarm, still single
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