She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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