theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Randomize
