Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
