no, he came in my armpit
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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