if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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