I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
