Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
