Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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