dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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