don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
