do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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