I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
