he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
