They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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