She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
