woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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