so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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