it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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