she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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