I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
