Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
