i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
