the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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