Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
