Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
