I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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