She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
