i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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