toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
