He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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