Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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