I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
