Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize