Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
