You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
