It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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