I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
