So drunk its hurt
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
