Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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