oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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