His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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