I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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