girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
