Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
