i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
