and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
