brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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