Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
