You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
