you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
