he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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