SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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