Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
