I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize