jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
