I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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