so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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