thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
