Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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