why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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