I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
