I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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