The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
