Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
